Worst Gift Ever: Stories from the Bottom of Your Closet

The worst gift I ever got was this hideous shirt.  ABSOLUTELY hideous.  It was very large, 100% rayon, and in this dip-dye, magenta-like color.  It had this strange rhinestone studding on the chest in a pattern that, from afar, looked like English letters but were actually completely nonsensical. And then there were flecks of green within the fabric… it should be cited for war crimes, basically.

Posted by vania on Thursday December 4, 2008 at 3:16pm, EST

Anne LeFevre Brahm (Chicago, IL) wrote
at 1:19pm on Facebook:

My own grandmother once gave me a used umbrella for my birthday. I knew it was used because the umbrella color was totally faded. And I knew THAT because she foolishly provided me with the umbrella slip cover which had never seen rain nor shine and the color was so much more robust than the actual umbrella! Thanks a bunch Nana!! May she rest in peace of course.

Posted by Dan Morrison on Thursday December 4, 2008 at 3:55pm, EST

Kate Peebles Townsend (Chicago, IL) wrote at 9:29am on Facebook:

Great idea, Dan… OK, There are 11 of us on here and soon to be more, I’m sure. I’ll start.
Being a teacher for 10 years, you get quite a lot of crazy gifts, but one stands out to me. When I was teaching at my first job (Catholic School - 4th grade), I decided to open the gifts in front the 31 thrilled kids that had proudly presented me with a gift. (First mistake!) About half way into the opening, I was speeding up the process as they were getting less and less interested in watching what their friends’ moms had picked. Until… I opened the pair of hot pink thong bikini underwear. The looks on their faces is burned on my brain. After all these years I never figured out why I received this gift. I’m still hoping it was just a mix up at home. The thank you note simply said, “Thank you for the unique gift!”

Posted by Dan Morrison on Thursday December 4, 2008 at 3:56pm, EST

a tshirt, two sizes too large from ambercrombie that said, “take a ride on the happy trail.” When I returned it I got a store credit for $5, which, 9 years later, I have yet to use. A cheap and frigid aunt gave it to me.

Posted by ethan on Friday December 5, 2008 at 11:44am, EST

circa 1994
my grandmother asked me what I wanted, and i told her i wanted a dollhouse.  she didn’t understand- she thought i wanted a picture or a painting of a dollhouse.  so i very smartly explained, no grandma, a real dollhouse, a 3-D dollhouse, one that sticks out and you can touch (she didn’t know what 3-D meant).  i got this weird wall decoration thing, about the size of a large postcard- it was like a painting, or something.  it had a house on it, a house that was sticking out about half a centimeter.  it’s hard to explain.  i’d have to show you. 

i wonder if she actually knew what a dollhouse was, but, taking advantage of the tolerance generally afforded to only the very young and the old that allows them to say racist things and be mean, bought this thing at salvation army instead because she wasn’t about to blow $50 on a dollhouse for me.  she’s a smart lady.  i didn’t really care about a dollhouse anyway.

Posted by julia on Friday December 5, 2008 at 12:28pm, EST

in high schoolmy boyfriend, for a reason i’ll never know, bought me (the girl who wore all black and listened to punk), a smelly woven blue and white hemp and wool sweater that was at least 5 sizes too big. i remember thinking it was a joke and looking around in the box where i thought my real present should be...but that was the real present. needless to say, we broke up soon after…

Posted by Dani on Friday December 5, 2008 at 1:59pm, EST

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Posted by Jasmin Patel on Monday March 23, 2009 at 5:33am, EST

I do recall getting a gift I gave someone a few Christmases ago.  And then there was the package of undergarments from Grandma.  I thought the expression was just a figure of speech or a joke, but I guess only your grandma can get away with giving you a package of underwear for Christmas.  Ah, good times.

Yes, they do say it’s the thought that counts, but when there’s NO thought put into it, it doesn’t count.
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OliviaB.

Posted by OliviaB. on Friday April 10, 2009 at 1:21pm, EST